I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
