His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
