Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
