I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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