I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
