just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
