I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize