Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
