once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
