the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
