So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's blow job season.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
