He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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