Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Farmville is her only friend.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.