Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
