um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.