i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.