He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy