Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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