dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
