she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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