I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
