I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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