So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize