I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
