Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
