I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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