peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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