didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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