He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
