Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
