Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
