i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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