ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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