at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
