like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My vagina is officially offended.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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