At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
