My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Drake has all the answers
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
