halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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