Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
