Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
