with your own penis?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
