I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize