Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Boobs are out for the taking
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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