i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes