uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.