my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
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Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
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wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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