Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
