Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.