I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
