Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
