Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize