i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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