Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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