Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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