Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
