if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
