If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
A bitchslap is in order.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize