her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
