dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
