I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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