i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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