Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
