it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
