Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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