I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
