I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
