I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
