member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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