Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
