He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
