Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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