got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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