3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
