Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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