why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
