it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
